When Work Becomes Personal — Part 2: When Burnout Travels Down the Organisation

In my previous article, I wrote about what can happen psychologically when an employee is struggling at work or placed on a Performance Improvement Plan. But there is another side to workplace stress that I also see in my clinical work. Sometimes the manager is struggling too. It is easy to look at a difficult workplace relationship and decide that someone must be the problem:

The employee is difficult.

The manager is unreasonable.

The team isn't supportive.

But when we slow things down, the picture is often much more complicated. Sometimes we have two people with different needs and expectations, both trying to function within a system that is already stretched.

When Leadership Styles Change

One dynamic that can be particularly difficult for teams is a change in leadership. Different leaders lead differently. One may offer considerable flexibility and autonomy. Another may prefer clearer structures, boundaries and accountability. Neither approach is necessarily wrong.

But change can be uncomfortable. An employee accustomed to considerable independence may experience a more structured leadership style as restrictive or controlling. Meanwhile, the leader may experience resistance to that structure as a lack of accountability or respect.

The employee may be thinking:

"Why can't I be trusted to do my job?"

While the leader may be thinking:

"Why does everything I ask become a negotiation?"

Underneath these reactions are often legitimate needs.

The employee may need autonomy, trust and flexibility. The leader may need reliability, accountability and confidence that responsibilities will be followed through. The difficulty begins when unmet needs start shaping how each person interprets the other.

Structure can begin to feel like control.

Autonomy can begin to look like resistance.

Feedback can feel like criticism.

Questions can feel like challenges to authority.

Gradually, what started as a difference in working styles can become a relationship problem.

When Leaders Are Carrying Too Much

There is another side of leadership that employees don't always see. Many managers today are not simply managing people. They may also be responsible for projects, operations, budgets, stakeholders, deadlines, reporting, meetings, organisational changes and their own performance targets. Then there is the human part of leadership-

• Supporting employees.

• Developing staff.

• Managing performance.

• Resolving disagreements.

• Having difficult conversations.

• Noticing when someone is struggling.

• Keeping a team motivated.

Sometimes when we step back and look at everything a leader is carrying, it becomes apparent that what looks like a time-management problem may actually be a resource problem. When organisations restructure, reduce headcount or do not replace people who leave, the work itself does not necessarily disappear. It gets redistributed. Someone absorbs a little more. Then a little more. And eventually we may have leaders who are expected to deliver operationally while also being patient, available, emotionally attuned and developmental managers.Something eventually has to give. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the human part of leadership.

Burnout Doesn't Always Stay With One Person

We often think about burnout as something happening within an individual. But I think workplace burnout can also become relational.

An overwhelmed leader may become less patient.

Someone under constant pressure may communicate more abruptly.

A person who feels responsible for everything may find themselves becoming more controlling. Someone who is exhausted may have very little capacity left to mentor another person.

This doesn't necessarily make them a bad leader. But our internal state inevitably affects how we relate to other people.

The same is true for employees.

Someone who has previously experienced a very controlling workplace may become particularly sensitive to structure.

Someone who fears authority may become overly compliant, saying yes to everything, working longer hours and becoming increasingly exhausted.

Someone else may respond to feeling controlled by becoming defensive, withdrawn or resistant.

And now we have two nervous systems responding to each other within a workplace hierarchy.

One person's behaviour triggers a response in the other. That response creates another reaction. And eventually both people may become convinced that the other person is the problem.

Sometimes Stress Leaks

This is something we explore in therapy too. Stress does not always remain neatly contained inside us. When we are overwhelmed, frightened, exhausted or under pressure, some of that inevitably enters our relationships. I sometimes think of this as emotional leakage. Our own fears, beliefs and previous experiences can influence how we interpret what someone else is doing.

A leader under enormous pressure may become more rigid because structure gives them a sense of control.

An employee who already doubts their competence may experience ordinary corrective feedback as confirmation that they are failing.

Neither person necessarily intends to create conflict. But both may be reacting from places that the other cannot see.

The Work Is Not Always About Becoming a Better Manager

When I work therapeutically with people carrying significant workplace responsibility, we sometimes have to look beyond:

"How do I manage my team better?"

We might also explore:

"What happens to me when I feel that I'm losing control?"

"What happens inside me when someone disagrees with me?"

"Am I carrying responsibilities that realistically require more resources?"

"What am I taking responsibility for that may not actually belong to me?"

"When did I last genuinely switch off from work?"

Sometimes we first need to bring some calm back into the nervous system. That may involve grounding, breathing, EFT tapping or other body-based approaches. Because just as an exhausted employee struggles to perform at their best, an exhausted leader struggles to lead at their best. Sometimes we also need to step back and look at the bigger picture:

What is essential?

What can be delegated?

What can wait?

What requires additional resources?

What expectations need to be communicated more clearly?

And what simply isn't sustainable anymore?

Perhaps Both Sides Are Tired

I think this is the part of workplace conversations that can easily get lost. We want to know who is right.

The employee?

The manager?

The organisation?

Sometimes there genuinely is poor leadership.

Sometimes an employee genuinely needs to improve their performance or accountability.

Sometimes there is simply a mismatch between a person, a role and an organisation.

But sometimes both sides are tired.

The employee wants autonomy.

The leader needs accountability.

The employee wants flexibility.

The leader needs consistency.

The employee wants more support.

The leader wants more initiative.

The leader needs more resources.

The organisation needs to manage costs.

These needs are not necessarily unreasonable. But they may not all be possible at the same time. And perhaps this is where we need to move away from asking: “Who is the problem?”

and begin asking: “What is happening between these people and what is happening in the system around them?”

Sometimes what looks like a people problem is actually a resource problem.

Sometimes what looks like resistance is difficulty adjusting to change.

Sometimes what looks like poor leadership is an overwhelmed person with very little capacity left.

And, sometimes what looks like poor performance is someone who needs clearer expectations, development or a different environment in which to thrive.

None of this removes personal responsibility. Employees still need accountability. Leaders still need to lead. Organisations still need to make difficult decisions. But perhaps healthier workplaces begin when we can hold two things at the same time:

Compassion and accountability -

For employees.

For leaders.

And for the human beings trying to make increasingly demanding workplaces work.