Understanding Addiction: It’s Often More Than “Just Stopping”

When most people hear the word addiction, they often think of alcohol or drugs. But addiction can show up in many forms. At its core, addiction is often less about the substance or behaviour itself, and more about what it does for the person.That’s an important distinction.

Because when we only focus on stopping, we may miss the deeper reasons why the behaviour is there in the first place.

The two broad types of addiction

Broadly speaking, addiction can be understood in two categories:

1. Substance Addictions (chemical dependence)

These involve substances that directly affect the brain’s reward system and nervous system.

Examples include:

• Alcohol

• Nicotine / smoking / vaping

• Recreational drugs (e.g. cannabis, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine)

• Prescription medication (e.g. painkillers, benzodiazepines, sleeping pills)

• Caffeine (where dependence can also occur)

Common signs may include:

• cravings

• tolerance (needing more over time)

• withdrawal symptoms

• difficulty stopping

• loss of control

  
  

2. Behavioural Addictions (process addictions)

These do not involve substances, but can activate similar reward pathways in the brain.

These may include:

Relationship and emotional addictions

• Love addiction

• Sex addiction

• Pornography addiction

• Codependency

• Validation-seeking patterns

Digital and stimulation addictions

• Social media addiction

• Gaming addiction

• Phone addiction

• Internet addiction

Control and achievement patterns

• Work addiction (workaholism)

• Exercise addiction

• Achievement chasing

Avoidance and soothing behaviours

• Emotional eating

• Binge eating

• Sugar dependence

• Dissociation

• Escapism through overworking, scrolling, or constant distraction

Risk and thrill-seeking

• Gambling addiction

• Risk-taking

• Compulsive spending

• Shopping addiction

What sits underneath addiction?

In therapy, I’ve often found that addiction is rarely “just the thing.” More often, it functions as a coping strategy. A way of managing something deeper. That may include:

• trauma

• attachment wounds

• neglect

• shame

• loneliness

• grief and loss

• nervous system dysregulation

• unmet emotional needs

As Gabor Maté writes: “Don’t ask why the addiction. Ask why the pain.”

That quote stays with me. Because so often, what looks like “self-sabotage” on the outside is actually an attempt to self-soothe on the inside.

A simple way to understand addiction

One way I often explain it is this: Addiction = relief + repetition + attachment + avoidance

The substance or behaviour becomes:

• a regulator

• a protector

• a distraction

• a substitute for connection

• a way to numb pain

Over time, the brain learns: Pain → Behaviour → Relief

And when this repeats enough, it creates strong neural pathways. This is why willpower alone is often not enough.

The role of the nervous system

Research in trauma and neuroscience reminds us that many addictive patterns are linked to the nervous system. When someone is stuck in chronic stress, fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown, addictive behaviours can become ways of regulating those states.

Smoking may calm anxiety.

Porn may numb loneliness.

Work may distract from grief.

Shopping may temporarily lift emptiness.

Exercise may create a sense of control.

The behaviour itself is often serving a function. And understanding that function is often where healing begins.

A question worth asking

In therapy, one of the most helpful questions is often:“What does this behaviour do for you?”

Not as judgment. But with curiosity. Because that question often reveals the unmet need underneath. And once we understand the need, we can begin exploring healthier, more sustainable ways of meeting it. Healing addiction is rarely just about removing the behaviour.

It is often about understanding the pain, the story, and the nervous system beneath it.

And perhaps that is where change begins.

References

Gabor Maté (2008). In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Bessel van der Kolk (2014). The Body Keeps the Score

Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey (2021). What Happened to You?